“There is a time in life when you expect the world to be always full of new things. And then comes a day when you realise that is not how it will be at all. You see that life will become a thing made of holes. Absences. Losses. Things that were there and are no longer. And you realise, too, that you have to grow around and between the gaps…” Helen Macdonald
Once again, I’ve taken a big absence from my blog. During the last six months, I’ve resigned from a job with a toxic environment, one that had zapped a significant amount of energy from me, and I’ve travelled overseas for two months. I spent time in San Diego for Comic Con; Vancouver for my family and friends; and the Canadian Rockies for a 50th birthday present to myself.
Now, back home, I’m trying to figure out what comes next. Do I take on another part time job? Do I work a bit harder on my freelance writing? I probably should do both. But I don’t know.
There is a really small part of me that just wants to pack up everything and start afresh. To re-locate to Canada or Hobart or some quiet place in the country. I’d like to get a dog. Go for long walks. Write a best selling novel. Okay, I know, I’ve left reality to dream for a moment.
While overseas, I had planned to set aside time to contemplate life, to read and write, to create art … but somehow that didn’t pan out, except for maybe this fleeting contemplative moment at Mt Edith Cavell in the Canadian Rockies (one of my favourite places in the world).
I suppose the good thing in all of this is that I was too busy enjoying every moment of my trip. Life was so good. And it still is good (if somewhat uncertain). I laughed so much. I soaked up all the love from my family and friends, and I counted my blessings that I had this extra time to spend with them before the days slipped away. It was a beautiful summer in Vancouver.
And now … here comes the future, whatever it may hold.